... Or at least that's what they'll have you believing... [006]

Stuck in my head: "I Must Soon Quit the Scene"
The American Analog Set
The Golden Band

~^v*v^~

I just got back from Texas a couple of nights ago. Leaving is always difficult.

Last Thursday, November 4th, was the first anniversary of my father's passing. The VA agreed to give him military honors, including a twenty-one gun salute and entombment in their mausoleum down in South Texas. I flew down to be with my mom and my brother. It's important. The entire affair is emotionally complicated, and it would take a rather long entry to begin to summarize not only the grieving process of the last twelve months, but of my whole life leading up to election day 2020, when he was found unresponsive.

My one piece of advice: get therapy. Healing is an arduous path that many never seem to travel. Better to get help dealing with the wounds than for them to never heal. It's been amazing. I've had three weeks off because of scheduling issues, but we're meeting tonight to go over the trip. That woman is doing "the lord's work".

~^v*v^~

The last three trips home were all business: the service, the collection of his truck, and the memorial. I'm planning another trip for the first quarter or so of 2022, and now it'll be for the sake of seeing my ma.

There's comfort in re-tracing my footsteps. I really hadn't had any involvement with the place since I was eighteen, just before I left for school. Subsequent trips home would be marred by my dad's reluctance to let me drive, let me go anywhere, let me out of the house, and so I stopped going back after a while. Some birds do fine in their cage, and some need to spread their wings... if you take my point.

I'm surprised how much I remember about the place. It's really not all that different, despite some people's statements to the contrary.

~^v*v^~

The Big Dark has set in here in the pacific northwest. As of the writing of this section, I've completed my therapy session for the evening, and as I said to my doctor, "I need to learn to accept things as they are, and not resent Seattle so fucking much."

Her response? "It's not like you don't have good friends around you. You've made some strong bonds there - relish in them."

I'm trying.

-CST.